Does anyone else here have problems meeting other women? Sometimes i feel like the only queer I know NOT hooking up or dating. It just gets me down. I've been trying to find a girlfriend to no avail. Any advice on this? I tend to be too shy to just walk up and talk to strangers, I detest using "lines", and my internet forays, usually very productive, are not so productive of late. I'm becoming a bit frustrated.
posted by:
|
Milwaukee
|
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Tue, May 29, 2007 - 4:30 PM
Are you trying to meet friends?
It can be less pressure...
Also, think about being your own girlfriend, treat yourself excellently.
That can help i think.
best wishes! -
-
Unsu...
Re: Difficulties in love
Fri, June 1, 2007 - 1:03 PMIt can be so difficult, all the gorgeous women seem to be straight or taken. Finding someone is like a needle in a haystack! -
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Mon, June 4, 2007 - 6:55 AMi would add that if they aren't straight or taken they're weary of relationships or still getting over someone else. Or, in my case, thrown off by my pansexual nature. Also, the community here in Milwaukee tends to be small and insular, trying to find a way in to meet people seems difficult.
-
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Mon, June 4, 2007 - 6:52 AMI'm looking for friends, lovers, long term relationships. Otherwise known as open to anything that comes along and is good. i like the idea of being my own girlfriend, that is smile inducing advice.:)
Thanks.
-
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Fri, June 1, 2007 - 11:17 PMI don't know what is available where you live, but I'm assuming that you won't have the resources that we do here : (. I hope that isn't the case!
I met my last three long-term girlfriends (great people, who remain my pals to this day) in various "friend" groups that were hosted by a local LGBT center, a Listserve (I was also properly introduced to this person before any datingn happened), and at a dear friend's queer-girl house party. So, my advice is to just get yourself out where you can MEET other queer women, become pals, and hey, maybe if things don't happen with *them*, they will know a perfect person that they'd like to introduce you to : ).
Friends first...always works for me. Get out there, get known for the cool person that you are, get dates. Works like a charm : ).
Good luck!!! -
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Sun, June 3, 2007 - 3:25 PMI agree - getting out and becoming active is the key. I've struggled with depression my whole life, and that's made it hard to get out there and date.
So I learned how to kayak, and took music lessons. Neither one actually led to a date, but both improved my own spirit and made me feel better about myself, which helped make me a more attractive person. I met women through volunteering, going to brunches, concerts, even dabbled in Yahoo personals. I also became more active in the BDSM, queer and poly communities, which have a lot of single-and-looking people. I went to social events where I didn't know a soul, and forced myself to introduce myself to people. My single most successful strategy? volunteering. You do good for others, and you get to meet a lot of people.
Today I have more friends and dates than I can handle. It's a great problem to have. Get out there and get involved in your community, and things will happen.
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Mon, June 4, 2007 - 6:58 AMThere are some good programs here for youth 24 and under at the local LGBTQ center, Project Q, but the community here in Milwaukee is small and insular and hasn't been terribly welcoming. I'd like to go to more events (I've been trying to push pass my shyness), but even then its hard to get people to talk to me. Maybe i just need to try harder? -
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Mon, June 4, 2007 - 11:33 AMMaybe get a friend to go with you - that'd make it less stressful. But you have to promise to talk to some other people once you get there, not just to your friend!
-
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Mon, November 12, 2007 - 3:08 PMYa know, as someone who has been living in the SF/ Bay Area for only a tiny bit over a year, I have to say that even in a location where at first glance there are so many resources, I have still found even meeting and feeling a true connection with fellow queer women few and far between. I've had a great time dating males, females, and trannies, but the girls-who-like-girls category has been the skimpiest one. Friends first does work better, I agree, but I'd love to hear about what resources there are that I might not know about, that don't include craigslist, or going to women-friendly bars constantly, which feel like a bit of a meat market or a one-upmanship feel.
-
-
Re: Difficulties in love
Wed, September 26, 2007 - 1:00 AMThe only people who fall in love with me are already in a relationship and never a poly one, dammit.
It's starting to get really annoying. Once they realize they're in love with me I usually lose a friend. They have to cut me out to preserve their relationship. It hurts but I understand.
A few times they have left their lovers but to be honest, I've felt bad about it. I know I was not guilty of any improprieties while they were still in the relationship but I hate to have another person hurt. I just want to make it clear I've never slept with someone who was involved or come onto them, etc. I try very hard to respect those relationship boundaries. It's important to me.
And it also makes it all the more confusing to me why only women in relationships seem to want me.
But it seems the things about me that attract these women are things I cannot change unless I start disrespecting who I am. I am kind. I do listen. I am considerate. I am loving.
This is turning into a therapy session.
But yes, I have problems meeting other women for many reasons.
